Hey there all my Catholic relatives! How ya'll doin'? Well it's that time of year again. Time to go sport your black foreheads, and eat those salmon patties on Fridays. I love it. Anything that denies self and uplifts God is good in my book. (And no I'm not being sarcastic, I really do love the observance of lent and I'm honored to have such a great family that is so faithful)
I'm often asked around this time of year, "So, what are you giving up for lent?" (Also sometimes, albeit rarely, I get asked "How big you gonna party on Fat Tuesday?") I've thought about obvious things for this year, chocolate (the most popular I think among the faithful) TV, (Lord help me I don't think I could give up that one) Meat on Fridays (too traditional) And then I started thinking, "Why don't I pray and ask God what He thinks I should do to remember His son's 40 days in the wilderness before his ministry and also the time leading up to His death on the cross."
So I did. Funny thing though- I sensed in my spirit it was not something to "Give up" per se but I quietly sensed that God wanted me to add something in my life. Something that's been quite absent for awhile and I hadn't even noticed it was gone.
Love.
Okay no one get scared, Nathan and I are, yes, still MADLY in love with each other even when we are yelling so loud we almost wake the kids up some nights. (What? everyone has arguments from time to time) It's not that love that's been missing. It's the love for other people beyond just my family. And at times it is the love for people including my family. (ABBY!!! Get your little hiney off that dresser....!!!!!)
Sorry I'm back now. This revelation was confirmed to me this morning at my weekly bible study. (Why is it I always seem to get my best writing ideas from bible study...) So my study this week is all about how to replace a critical spirit with love. Yikes. Yes, I'm critical. Born and raised in the critical nation, coming from a long line of naysayers and grumblers. But it's not really that bad, I mean, I'm just pointing out what needs to be changed. I'm analytical. I see how things can improve and sweetly mention how it can be better. Only women in the south can tell you they hate you with such a sweet tone you take it as a compliment.
So here's my "Lent Observance" for 2012. I'll probably try to eat those salmon patties on Fridays. I'll probably try to limit the sweets. But more than "trying" to do those things I'll be adding one thing that I think really will matter in my life. I've committed to praying every day that the Holy Spirit change my heart to love people instead of criticize them, and to change my critical ways once and for all to be ways that are truly Christ-like. Love. I need more love in my life. Love when the kids are screaming. Love when someone doesn't talk to me. Love when I'm waiting in line. Love when I visit my extended family (Hi there! Yes I know you read this blog and are expecting results!) And love overall when it's not deserved.
Lord help me, I'm gonna need it.
(((And please forgive me for the random thoughts and excessive use of parenthesis in the typing of this post)))
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Why I left my Church...
I used to work at a church. 2 different Churches actually, and both experiences have grown me tremendously. The one that was the hardest though was the most recent. Partly because I had really connected with lots of friends there and partly because I truly felt like it was MY church, MY home, and I wholeheartlyed believed and worked for the good of it.
It's been almost 2 years since I worked there and the department I worked in has since had a COMPLETE overhaul. It's not the same place that I worked at and I think that is a really good thing as you'll see by what I believe God has revealed to me about that ministry and about how it's grown.
So back up- 2 years ago I was working HARD at what was told by me to be THE hardest job in the church: recruiting and organizing volunteers to serve in children's ministry for Sunday mornings. Anyone who has ever worked in this area knows this to be true. Any position that involved recruiting VOLUNTEERS is difficult. People don't always like to do something they are not getting paid to do, unless there is some other benefit that keeps them coming back for more.
Anyway, so I this my job and it was going well. I had a great team that I thought worked well together, and when I came into it I thought my team would help to build the ministry and that we'd make it the best one at our church. Good goals right?
Then reality set in, I realized it indeed was hard to be rejected over and over again by people for what I considered no good reason, and my "team" didn't really act much like a "team" when push came to shove. Everyone I worked with had TREMENDOUS skills and gifts and was working hard at doing their part to build the ministry, but the team thing, well, it was kind of like every man for himself. So I struggled. The ministry struggled. The team struggled. And then the blow that changed forever my heart and my life at my job: my boss who I loved and worked so hard with and who I had felt was the only person who really was on my team was fired. Discharged, let go, released, call it what you want, but she was no longer going to be working with me.
I was furious. Confused. Mourning. And then God gave me a dream that I will never forget. I've had God give me dreams before to warn me, teach me, edify the body of Christ, etc. but this one was about the future, and something I wouldn't fully understand until last week.
The dream was all about an airplane that had the roof removed from it and was going down while all the people inside were asleep. Me and my husband jumped off the plane and somehow landed safely grabbing hold of a power line and dangled while we watched the plane go down in flames. Translation that God gave me: The plane was the ministry, the roof was the leadership of said ministry and me and my husband were supposed to leave.
I was so confused. WHY was the biggest question I had. Why was my boss fired? Why was the ministry going to be destroyed? Why God? Why was God allowing this to happen? The why's never left me until last week.
I watched as my dream came fully to life. Not only was my boss gone, but other leaders started to drop like flies. Some left of their own accord, some heard God's call to leave and were probably just as equally confused as I was as to why, and some fought tooth and nail to stay, but eventually had to leave as well.
So we left our church. We were obedient. God had told us we needed to leave. We begged to stay, and tried to stay as long as we could but eventually it got too painful to watch as indeed the plane went down, just as God had told me it would.
And then I was left with my persistent WHY's....
For months I struggled, still feeling unsettled with why God would want to destroy a perfectly good ministry. Why God would take something that was working well and demolish it entirely.
My current bible study unlocked a door for me and God divinely gave me my answers just a week ago.
I'm studying about attitude. Wrong attitudes, wrong motives etc. One of the things specifically that led to my revelation was learning about how Godliness plus contentment equals great gain. Not Godliness plus prosperity, not Godliness plus power, not Godliness plus a lot of things, and not even Godliness plus ministry success will equal great gain. That one stopped me in my tracks. Ministry success. As I prayed and worked through my bible study God revealed to me that the ministry that had been built, that i had helped to build was something build not by God but by man. God NEVER allows a ministry to be built by man to survive. It's totally against his nature. I mean it's one of the big 10 no-nos. As I reflected on my time there God allowed me to remember countless times not just me but others said things like "MY ministry" "MY volunteers" "OUR team" "OUR ministry" 'MINE MINE MINE!!!!' Building idols or taking credit for building something of God's is just wrong. It's so goes against our "American" way of doing things but then again this isn't America's world, it's God's world. Eventually anything built by man will fall away to dust. the bible says it over and over again.
So I finally have peace. Oh, such peace. My why's have been answered. And I've learned a valuable lesson. One I will not soon forget because I will carry my mournings memories, my memories of how I did it by myself, my knowledge of what it looks like to build something by man instead of by God. And I pray my future work and ministries I am involved in will benefit from this knowledge and practical experience. Thank you Lord for teaching me through hard times, and for giving me a message to share about my experience.
It's been almost 2 years since I worked there and the department I worked in has since had a COMPLETE overhaul. It's not the same place that I worked at and I think that is a really good thing as you'll see by what I believe God has revealed to me about that ministry and about how it's grown.
So back up- 2 years ago I was working HARD at what was told by me to be THE hardest job in the church: recruiting and organizing volunteers to serve in children's ministry for Sunday mornings. Anyone who has ever worked in this area knows this to be true. Any position that involved recruiting VOLUNTEERS is difficult. People don't always like to do something they are not getting paid to do, unless there is some other benefit that keeps them coming back for more.
Anyway, so I this my job and it was going well. I had a great team that I thought worked well together, and when I came into it I thought my team would help to build the ministry and that we'd make it the best one at our church. Good goals right?
Then reality set in, I realized it indeed was hard to be rejected over and over again by people for what I considered no good reason, and my "team" didn't really act much like a "team" when push came to shove. Everyone I worked with had TREMENDOUS skills and gifts and was working hard at doing their part to build the ministry, but the team thing, well, it was kind of like every man for himself. So I struggled. The ministry struggled. The team struggled. And then the blow that changed forever my heart and my life at my job: my boss who I loved and worked so hard with and who I had felt was the only person who really was on my team was fired. Discharged, let go, released, call it what you want, but she was no longer going to be working with me.
I was furious. Confused. Mourning. And then God gave me a dream that I will never forget. I've had God give me dreams before to warn me, teach me, edify the body of Christ, etc. but this one was about the future, and something I wouldn't fully understand until last week.
The dream was all about an airplane that had the roof removed from it and was going down while all the people inside were asleep. Me and my husband jumped off the plane and somehow landed safely grabbing hold of a power line and dangled while we watched the plane go down in flames. Translation that God gave me: The plane was the ministry, the roof was the leadership of said ministry and me and my husband were supposed to leave.
I was so confused. WHY was the biggest question I had. Why was my boss fired? Why was the ministry going to be destroyed? Why God? Why was God allowing this to happen? The why's never left me until last week.
I watched as my dream came fully to life. Not only was my boss gone, but other leaders started to drop like flies. Some left of their own accord, some heard God's call to leave and were probably just as equally confused as I was as to why, and some fought tooth and nail to stay, but eventually had to leave as well.
So we left our church. We were obedient. God had told us we needed to leave. We begged to stay, and tried to stay as long as we could but eventually it got too painful to watch as indeed the plane went down, just as God had told me it would.
And then I was left with my persistent WHY's....
For months I struggled, still feeling unsettled with why God would want to destroy a perfectly good ministry. Why God would take something that was working well and demolish it entirely.
My current bible study unlocked a door for me and God divinely gave me my answers just a week ago.
I'm studying about attitude. Wrong attitudes, wrong motives etc. One of the things specifically that led to my revelation was learning about how Godliness plus contentment equals great gain. Not Godliness plus prosperity, not Godliness plus power, not Godliness plus a lot of things, and not even Godliness plus ministry success will equal great gain. That one stopped me in my tracks. Ministry success. As I prayed and worked through my bible study God revealed to me that the ministry that had been built, that i had helped to build was something build not by God but by man. God NEVER allows a ministry to be built by man to survive. It's totally against his nature. I mean it's one of the big 10 no-nos. As I reflected on my time there God allowed me to remember countless times not just me but others said things like "MY ministry" "MY volunteers" "OUR team" "OUR ministry" 'MINE MINE MINE!!!!' Building idols or taking credit for building something of God's is just wrong. It's so goes against our "American" way of doing things but then again this isn't America's world, it's God's world. Eventually anything built by man will fall away to dust. the bible says it over and over again.
So I finally have peace. Oh, such peace. My why's have been answered. And I've learned a valuable lesson. One I will not soon forget because I will carry my mournings memories, my memories of how I did it by myself, my knowledge of what it looks like to build something by man instead of by God. And I pray my future work and ministries I am involved in will benefit from this knowledge and practical experience. Thank you Lord for teaching me through hard times, and for giving me a message to share about my experience.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
I love the 90s!
I watch a lot of TV. I'll admit it probably rots my brain but I've always really loved TV, maybe because I'm not much of an outdoors man. Growing up in the 80s and 90s I had so many favorite shows. My list includes Growing Pains, Family Matters, Family Ties, Boy meets World, Perfect Strangers, Full House, The Cosby Show, Clarissa Explains it all, and I could go on and on. The shows of my past were awesome. They were the cheesiest shows possible filled with mullet hair, laugh tracks, nuclear families, and problems that erupted and were then solved in a mere 30 minutes. This was quality television folks!
And now... well, today's TV sitcoms are just not measuring up in my opinion. First of all most of the sitcoms today have horrible main characters that are terribly flawed, rude, and certainly not someone I would want to be like. I mean, seriously, who would you rather emulate- Bill Cosby or Jack Donaghy? I am also not a fan of how women in a comedy series tend to look down on their man, as if he was some neanderthal, and us women have it all figured out so we just let them think they know what's going on, but really we are all laughing behind their back at their stupidity. Grrr...
I'm also equally sick of all the teenage pregnancy dramas and vampire drama's out there. When did getting pregnant in high school become a career goal?
I hope that they still carry all my favorites in syndication when my kids get older because frankly I'm not sure what I'll allow them to watch with my choices today. I guess they'll be 14 and still watching the preschool shows on Nick Jr. and PBS.
Bring back Mr. Feeny!
Stay True
Alicia
And now... well, today's TV sitcoms are just not measuring up in my opinion. First of all most of the sitcoms today have horrible main characters that are terribly flawed, rude, and certainly not someone I would want to be like. I mean, seriously, who would you rather emulate- Bill Cosby or Jack Donaghy? I am also not a fan of how women in a comedy series tend to look down on their man, as if he was some neanderthal, and us women have it all figured out so we just let them think they know what's going on, but really we are all laughing behind their back at their stupidity. Grrr...
I'm also equally sick of all the teenage pregnancy dramas and vampire drama's out there. When did getting pregnant in high school become a career goal?
I hope that they still carry all my favorites in syndication when my kids get older because frankly I'm not sure what I'll allow them to watch with my choices today. I guess they'll be 14 and still watching the preschool shows on Nick Jr. and PBS.
Bring back Mr. Feeny!
Stay True
Alicia
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)