Very recently, I had my *ahem* girl doctor appointment, which everyone knows is extremely uncomfortable. No one likes those appointments, they try to make it all nice with a pretty robe (or sometimes just the paper one) but no woman on earth actually thinks, "Yea! I get to go see the gyno!"
Anyway, so I'm already uncomfortable, and the nice lady is asking me all about my health history, who had cancer and all that in my family etc etc. Then she mentions casually, "Oh, it's been a while since you've been here, and I can see that since the last time you were here you've gained 15 lbs." Gee thanks. It's always wonderful when people point out how fat you are. Maybe I don't feel fat that day, but as soon as you say something like that, I instantly feel like a lazy blob. Of course, I workout at least twice a week at the Y, and I'm running around with 3 children so it's not like I'm sitting eating bon bons all day. I don't even sit around and blog all day (except for today)
But wait, it gets worse. As the appointment continued, uncomfortably, we discussed my 3 children and all, and suddenly as she examines my fat rolls she casually mentions, "You know you'd be a great candidate for a tummy tuck" At this point the nervous laughs kick in because frankly what do you say after someone tells you that you need a tummy tuck? Yikes.
So all this talk about how fat I am this morning begged me to take a look at myself. You see, I feel like I've always been pretty trim. I was skinny in high school, average through the preggo years, and now, I'm only about 20 pounds heavier than I was in high school and I'm wondering, am I missing the fact that maybe I AM getting fat? Am I somehow blind to the fact that maybe I'm becoming a fat person?
Not unlike most of America, I've been pretty relaxed about my dieting habits. I never dieted before kids- I didn't have to, I was healthy and trim and felt good about how I looked. Kids came, obviously I gained weight and then lost most of it months later. Now with my youngest child at age 3 I'm thinking that the baby fat excuse doesn't apply. I already feel ugly because of all these stretch marks, and I am noticing a nice little pudgy collection around the middle...
The problem for me is perhaps society. "Society" called me fat this morning. However, I've also been told, "No way! You are not fat! you don't need to diet!" But what's really going on here? Truth is, I'm afraid to tell people that I'm on a diet for a variety of reasons. One of which being that they might think, "She doesn't need to diet, what is she anorexic?" Or the other fear might be that I just might not see results. Lastly, I know that if I do diet, it only takes a week to put me right back where I'm at weight wise. You see back in January I went on a fast (you can read that here) and I wasn't trying to lose weight but I did lose about 6-7 pounds. Then after the fast was over it took me all of 3 days to gain it all back. Poo.
I can tell myself that my ideal weigh for my tiny 5'2" frame would be around 108 (what I weighed in high school) whereas right now I'm right around 130. Which is still a healthy weight mind you. So the question for me is, do I want to be hungry all the time, lose about 22 pounds and then perhaps gain it back in a month? Or do I want to maintain what I have and continue to be happy, but perhaps be obliviously unaware of the fact that I might look like a balloon or one day end up becoming a balloon?
I know post-baby I did the whole yucky slim fast thing for about a month and lost those last 5 baby pounds. Then after baby number 2 I remember doing lean cuisines and calorie counting to drop some weight. My main issue I think though is stress. When I'm stressed I gain weight, no matter if I hit the gym, no matter if I eat a salad, if I'm stressed, I can eat NOTHING in a day and workout for 3 hours and still gain about 2 pounds. However, food for me has been a GREAT stress reliever. After a hard day, I guess I could say I cope by eating, which I know can't be a good thing. However, when I eat the foods I love, and still hit the gym, I usually maintain that weight.
So what should I do? Pass off the comments as some crazy lady not knowing what she's talking about, and maintaining my gym habits and trying to eat as healthy as I can without completely depriving myself. Or should I get serious about losing 22 pounds and take drastic measures? (Such as a radical diet and exercise program) And please do not respond if you are said representative of radical weight lose programs unless you can truly be objective in your comments.
Let me know what you think, I gotta go eat some little Debbie's....
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Lent
Hey there all my Catholic relatives! How ya'll doin'? Well it's that time of year again. Time to go sport your black foreheads, and eat those salmon patties on Fridays. I love it. Anything that denies self and uplifts God is good in my book. (And no I'm not being sarcastic, I really do love the observance of lent and I'm honored to have such a great family that is so faithful)
I'm often asked around this time of year, "So, what are you giving up for lent?" (Also sometimes, albeit rarely, I get asked "How big you gonna party on Fat Tuesday?") I've thought about obvious things for this year, chocolate (the most popular I think among the faithful) TV, (Lord help me I don't think I could give up that one) Meat on Fridays (too traditional) And then I started thinking, "Why don't I pray and ask God what He thinks I should do to remember His son's 40 days in the wilderness before his ministry and also the time leading up to His death on the cross."
So I did. Funny thing though- I sensed in my spirit it was not something to "Give up" per se but I quietly sensed that God wanted me to add something in my life. Something that's been quite absent for awhile and I hadn't even noticed it was gone.
Love.
Okay no one get scared, Nathan and I are, yes, still MADLY in love with each other even when we are yelling so loud we almost wake the kids up some nights. (What? everyone has arguments from time to time) It's not that love that's been missing. It's the love for other people beyond just my family. And at times it is the love for people including my family. (ABBY!!! Get your little hiney off that dresser....!!!!!)
Sorry I'm back now. This revelation was confirmed to me this morning at my weekly bible study. (Why is it I always seem to get my best writing ideas from bible study...) So my study this week is all about how to replace a critical spirit with love. Yikes. Yes, I'm critical. Born and raised in the critical nation, coming from a long line of naysayers and grumblers. But it's not really that bad, I mean, I'm just pointing out what needs to be changed. I'm analytical. I see how things can improve and sweetly mention how it can be better. Only women in the south can tell you they hate you with such a sweet tone you take it as a compliment.
So here's my "Lent Observance" for 2012. I'll probably try to eat those salmon patties on Fridays. I'll probably try to limit the sweets. But more than "trying" to do those things I'll be adding one thing that I think really will matter in my life. I've committed to praying every day that the Holy Spirit change my heart to love people instead of criticize them, and to change my critical ways once and for all to be ways that are truly Christ-like. Love. I need more love in my life. Love when the kids are screaming. Love when someone doesn't talk to me. Love when I'm waiting in line. Love when I visit my extended family (Hi there! Yes I know you read this blog and are expecting results!) And love overall when it's not deserved.
Lord help me, I'm gonna need it.
(((And please forgive me for the random thoughts and excessive use of parenthesis in the typing of this post)))
I'm often asked around this time of year, "So, what are you giving up for lent?" (Also sometimes, albeit rarely, I get asked "How big you gonna party on Fat Tuesday?") I've thought about obvious things for this year, chocolate (the most popular I think among the faithful) TV, (Lord help me I don't think I could give up that one) Meat on Fridays (too traditional) And then I started thinking, "Why don't I pray and ask God what He thinks I should do to remember His son's 40 days in the wilderness before his ministry and also the time leading up to His death on the cross."
So I did. Funny thing though- I sensed in my spirit it was not something to "Give up" per se but I quietly sensed that God wanted me to add something in my life. Something that's been quite absent for awhile and I hadn't even noticed it was gone.
Love.
Okay no one get scared, Nathan and I are, yes, still MADLY in love with each other even when we are yelling so loud we almost wake the kids up some nights. (What? everyone has arguments from time to time) It's not that love that's been missing. It's the love for other people beyond just my family. And at times it is the love for people including my family. (ABBY!!! Get your little hiney off that dresser....!!!!!)
Sorry I'm back now. This revelation was confirmed to me this morning at my weekly bible study. (Why is it I always seem to get my best writing ideas from bible study...) So my study this week is all about how to replace a critical spirit with love. Yikes. Yes, I'm critical. Born and raised in the critical nation, coming from a long line of naysayers and grumblers. But it's not really that bad, I mean, I'm just pointing out what needs to be changed. I'm analytical. I see how things can improve and sweetly mention how it can be better. Only women in the south can tell you they hate you with such a sweet tone you take it as a compliment.
So here's my "Lent Observance" for 2012. I'll probably try to eat those salmon patties on Fridays. I'll probably try to limit the sweets. But more than "trying" to do those things I'll be adding one thing that I think really will matter in my life. I've committed to praying every day that the Holy Spirit change my heart to love people instead of criticize them, and to change my critical ways once and for all to be ways that are truly Christ-like. Love. I need more love in my life. Love when the kids are screaming. Love when someone doesn't talk to me. Love when I'm waiting in line. Love when I visit my extended family (Hi there! Yes I know you read this blog and are expecting results!) And love overall when it's not deserved.
Lord help me, I'm gonna need it.
(((And please forgive me for the random thoughts and excessive use of parenthesis in the typing of this post)))
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Why I left my Church...
I used to work at a church. 2 different Churches actually, and both experiences have grown me tremendously. The one that was the hardest though was the most recent. Partly because I had really connected with lots of friends there and partly because I truly felt like it was MY church, MY home, and I wholeheartlyed believed and worked for the good of it.
It's been almost 2 years since I worked there and the department I worked in has since had a COMPLETE overhaul. It's not the same place that I worked at and I think that is a really good thing as you'll see by what I believe God has revealed to me about that ministry and about how it's grown.
So back up- 2 years ago I was working HARD at what was told by me to be THE hardest job in the church: recruiting and organizing volunteers to serve in children's ministry for Sunday mornings. Anyone who has ever worked in this area knows this to be true. Any position that involved recruiting VOLUNTEERS is difficult. People don't always like to do something they are not getting paid to do, unless there is some other benefit that keeps them coming back for more.
Anyway, so I this my job and it was going well. I had a great team that I thought worked well together, and when I came into it I thought my team would help to build the ministry and that we'd make it the best one at our church. Good goals right?
Then reality set in, I realized it indeed was hard to be rejected over and over again by people for what I considered no good reason, and my "team" didn't really act much like a "team" when push came to shove. Everyone I worked with had TREMENDOUS skills and gifts and was working hard at doing their part to build the ministry, but the team thing, well, it was kind of like every man for himself. So I struggled. The ministry struggled. The team struggled. And then the blow that changed forever my heart and my life at my job: my boss who I loved and worked so hard with and who I had felt was the only person who really was on my team was fired. Discharged, let go, released, call it what you want, but she was no longer going to be working with me.
I was furious. Confused. Mourning. And then God gave me a dream that I will never forget. I've had God give me dreams before to warn me, teach me, edify the body of Christ, etc. but this one was about the future, and something I wouldn't fully understand until last week.
The dream was all about an airplane that had the roof removed from it and was going down while all the people inside were asleep. Me and my husband jumped off the plane and somehow landed safely grabbing hold of a power line and dangled while we watched the plane go down in flames. Translation that God gave me: The plane was the ministry, the roof was the leadership of said ministry and me and my husband were supposed to leave.
I was so confused. WHY was the biggest question I had. Why was my boss fired? Why was the ministry going to be destroyed? Why God? Why was God allowing this to happen? The why's never left me until last week.
I watched as my dream came fully to life. Not only was my boss gone, but other leaders started to drop like flies. Some left of their own accord, some heard God's call to leave and were probably just as equally confused as I was as to why, and some fought tooth and nail to stay, but eventually had to leave as well.
So we left our church. We were obedient. God had told us we needed to leave. We begged to stay, and tried to stay as long as we could but eventually it got too painful to watch as indeed the plane went down, just as God had told me it would.
And then I was left with my persistent WHY's....
For months I struggled, still feeling unsettled with why God would want to destroy a perfectly good ministry. Why God would take something that was working well and demolish it entirely.
My current bible study unlocked a door for me and God divinely gave me my answers just a week ago.
I'm studying about attitude. Wrong attitudes, wrong motives etc. One of the things specifically that led to my revelation was learning about how Godliness plus contentment equals great gain. Not Godliness plus prosperity, not Godliness plus power, not Godliness plus a lot of things, and not even Godliness plus ministry success will equal great gain. That one stopped me in my tracks. Ministry success. As I prayed and worked through my bible study God revealed to me that the ministry that had been built, that i had helped to build was something build not by God but by man. God NEVER allows a ministry to be built by man to survive. It's totally against his nature. I mean it's one of the big 10 no-nos. As I reflected on my time there God allowed me to remember countless times not just me but others said things like "MY ministry" "MY volunteers" "OUR team" "OUR ministry" 'MINE MINE MINE!!!!' Building idols or taking credit for building something of God's is just wrong. It's so goes against our "American" way of doing things but then again this isn't America's world, it's God's world. Eventually anything built by man will fall away to dust. the bible says it over and over again.
So I finally have peace. Oh, such peace. My why's have been answered. And I've learned a valuable lesson. One I will not soon forget because I will carry my mournings memories, my memories of how I did it by myself, my knowledge of what it looks like to build something by man instead of by God. And I pray my future work and ministries I am involved in will benefit from this knowledge and practical experience. Thank you Lord for teaching me through hard times, and for giving me a message to share about my experience.
It's been almost 2 years since I worked there and the department I worked in has since had a COMPLETE overhaul. It's not the same place that I worked at and I think that is a really good thing as you'll see by what I believe God has revealed to me about that ministry and about how it's grown.
So back up- 2 years ago I was working HARD at what was told by me to be THE hardest job in the church: recruiting and organizing volunteers to serve in children's ministry for Sunday mornings. Anyone who has ever worked in this area knows this to be true. Any position that involved recruiting VOLUNTEERS is difficult. People don't always like to do something they are not getting paid to do, unless there is some other benefit that keeps them coming back for more.
Anyway, so I this my job and it was going well. I had a great team that I thought worked well together, and when I came into it I thought my team would help to build the ministry and that we'd make it the best one at our church. Good goals right?
Then reality set in, I realized it indeed was hard to be rejected over and over again by people for what I considered no good reason, and my "team" didn't really act much like a "team" when push came to shove. Everyone I worked with had TREMENDOUS skills and gifts and was working hard at doing their part to build the ministry, but the team thing, well, it was kind of like every man for himself. So I struggled. The ministry struggled. The team struggled. And then the blow that changed forever my heart and my life at my job: my boss who I loved and worked so hard with and who I had felt was the only person who really was on my team was fired. Discharged, let go, released, call it what you want, but she was no longer going to be working with me.
I was furious. Confused. Mourning. And then God gave me a dream that I will never forget. I've had God give me dreams before to warn me, teach me, edify the body of Christ, etc. but this one was about the future, and something I wouldn't fully understand until last week.
The dream was all about an airplane that had the roof removed from it and was going down while all the people inside were asleep. Me and my husband jumped off the plane and somehow landed safely grabbing hold of a power line and dangled while we watched the plane go down in flames. Translation that God gave me: The plane was the ministry, the roof was the leadership of said ministry and me and my husband were supposed to leave.
I was so confused. WHY was the biggest question I had. Why was my boss fired? Why was the ministry going to be destroyed? Why God? Why was God allowing this to happen? The why's never left me until last week.
I watched as my dream came fully to life. Not only was my boss gone, but other leaders started to drop like flies. Some left of their own accord, some heard God's call to leave and were probably just as equally confused as I was as to why, and some fought tooth and nail to stay, but eventually had to leave as well.
So we left our church. We were obedient. God had told us we needed to leave. We begged to stay, and tried to stay as long as we could but eventually it got too painful to watch as indeed the plane went down, just as God had told me it would.
And then I was left with my persistent WHY's....
For months I struggled, still feeling unsettled with why God would want to destroy a perfectly good ministry. Why God would take something that was working well and demolish it entirely.
My current bible study unlocked a door for me and God divinely gave me my answers just a week ago.
I'm studying about attitude. Wrong attitudes, wrong motives etc. One of the things specifically that led to my revelation was learning about how Godliness plus contentment equals great gain. Not Godliness plus prosperity, not Godliness plus power, not Godliness plus a lot of things, and not even Godliness plus ministry success will equal great gain. That one stopped me in my tracks. Ministry success. As I prayed and worked through my bible study God revealed to me that the ministry that had been built, that i had helped to build was something build not by God but by man. God NEVER allows a ministry to be built by man to survive. It's totally against his nature. I mean it's one of the big 10 no-nos. As I reflected on my time there God allowed me to remember countless times not just me but others said things like "MY ministry" "MY volunteers" "OUR team" "OUR ministry" 'MINE MINE MINE!!!!' Building idols or taking credit for building something of God's is just wrong. It's so goes against our "American" way of doing things but then again this isn't America's world, it's God's world. Eventually anything built by man will fall away to dust. the bible says it over and over again.
So I finally have peace. Oh, such peace. My why's have been answered. And I've learned a valuable lesson. One I will not soon forget because I will carry my mournings memories, my memories of how I did it by myself, my knowledge of what it looks like to build something by man instead of by God. And I pray my future work and ministries I am involved in will benefit from this knowledge and practical experience. Thank you Lord for teaching me through hard times, and for giving me a message to share about my experience.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
I love the 90s!
I watch a lot of TV. I'll admit it probably rots my brain but I've always really loved TV, maybe because I'm not much of an outdoors man. Growing up in the 80s and 90s I had so many favorite shows. My list includes Growing Pains, Family Matters, Family Ties, Boy meets World, Perfect Strangers, Full House, The Cosby Show, Clarissa Explains it all, and I could go on and on. The shows of my past were awesome. They were the cheesiest shows possible filled with mullet hair, laugh tracks, nuclear families, and problems that erupted and were then solved in a mere 30 minutes. This was quality television folks!
And now... well, today's TV sitcoms are just not measuring up in my opinion. First of all most of the sitcoms today have horrible main characters that are terribly flawed, rude, and certainly not someone I would want to be like. I mean, seriously, who would you rather emulate- Bill Cosby or Jack Donaghy? I am also not a fan of how women in a comedy series tend to look down on their man, as if he was some neanderthal, and us women have it all figured out so we just let them think they know what's going on, but really we are all laughing behind their back at their stupidity. Grrr...
I'm also equally sick of all the teenage pregnancy dramas and vampire drama's out there. When did getting pregnant in high school become a career goal?
I hope that they still carry all my favorites in syndication when my kids get older because frankly I'm not sure what I'll allow them to watch with my choices today. I guess they'll be 14 and still watching the preschool shows on Nick Jr. and PBS.
Bring back Mr. Feeny!
Stay True
Alicia
And now... well, today's TV sitcoms are just not measuring up in my opinion. First of all most of the sitcoms today have horrible main characters that are terribly flawed, rude, and certainly not someone I would want to be like. I mean, seriously, who would you rather emulate- Bill Cosby or Jack Donaghy? I am also not a fan of how women in a comedy series tend to look down on their man, as if he was some neanderthal, and us women have it all figured out so we just let them think they know what's going on, but really we are all laughing behind their back at their stupidity. Grrr...
I'm also equally sick of all the teenage pregnancy dramas and vampire drama's out there. When did getting pregnant in high school become a career goal?
I hope that they still carry all my favorites in syndication when my kids get older because frankly I'm not sure what I'll allow them to watch with my choices today. I guess they'll be 14 and still watching the preschool shows on Nick Jr. and PBS.
Bring back Mr. Feeny!
Stay True
Alicia
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Dehydrated
I get dehydrated A LOT. It's probably really bad for my health, but for some reason I actually forget to drink water. Have you ever been going about your day, finishing all the millions of tasks that you put on your to do list that morning, get to about 6pm and realize, you haven't had a single drop of water at all today? I have, I frequently have days where I get headaches from my lack of water. I get dizzy spells when I workout because I don't drink water. It's sad, it's sickening. When I finally do realize I need to drink water, I gulp down about 3 glasses at a time and then get a stomachache from it. Why, oh why can't I just stop for two seconds and get a glass of water you ask? It seems like an easy enough thing to do, we all need water to live, we all drink water to survive.
The simplest answer I can give is that I just don't think about it. I'm not paying attention, other things or people are demanding my immediate attention and I lose track of time and realize I'm literally wasting away from lack of water. I've known about my little bad habit for quite some time now but it hasn't changed my actions so that I will actually seek out this water and drink it. I know I need it, when I have it I usually love it, and I crave it daily, but for some reason I can't seem to slow down enough or make it a high enough priority for me to drink the water I need in a day.
Now, you know where I might be going with this...
The same is true for my time with God. My personal relationship with God, my time just talking to him, my time reading his love letter to me. My time investing in the things that make him happy. I know it's not breaking a commandment or anything to miss a "quiet time" with God. To miss finishing my bible study homework, but somewhere along the way in my Christian life I was told that I needed to spend an hour a day having time with God, just with God, no distractions, period. I agree I need to have that. Just like I need to drink 8-10 glasses of water a day. It's true I can live without my quiet time. I can go weeks without having a quiet time, but just like water, I find myself wasting away and dying without it.
Maybe that's why Jesus said whoever drinks his water will never thirst again.
So since I'm keepin' it real, I have to admit I'm not sure if I'm going to be changing anytime soon. I'm still super busy and can't seem to keep the water in me. At least I know my problem and I can try to make the changes needed to keep myself from dying. Gosh I can be so dramatic. Oh well.
Stay True
Alicia
The simplest answer I can give is that I just don't think about it. I'm not paying attention, other things or people are demanding my immediate attention and I lose track of time and realize I'm literally wasting away from lack of water. I've known about my little bad habit for quite some time now but it hasn't changed my actions so that I will actually seek out this water and drink it. I know I need it, when I have it I usually love it, and I crave it daily, but for some reason I can't seem to slow down enough or make it a high enough priority for me to drink the water I need in a day.
Now, you know where I might be going with this...
The same is true for my time with God. My personal relationship with God, my time just talking to him, my time reading his love letter to me. My time investing in the things that make him happy. I know it's not breaking a commandment or anything to miss a "quiet time" with God. To miss finishing my bible study homework, but somewhere along the way in my Christian life I was told that I needed to spend an hour a day having time with God, just with God, no distractions, period. I agree I need to have that. Just like I need to drink 8-10 glasses of water a day. It's true I can live without my quiet time. I can go weeks without having a quiet time, but just like water, I find myself wasting away and dying without it.
Maybe that's why Jesus said whoever drinks his water will never thirst again.
So since I'm keepin' it real, I have to admit I'm not sure if I'm going to be changing anytime soon. I'm still super busy and can't seem to keep the water in me. At least I know my problem and I can try to make the changes needed to keep myself from dying. Gosh I can be so dramatic. Oh well.
Stay True
Alicia
Sunday, January 29, 2012
2 things
So there are 2 things I'm proud of doing right now. Maybe not proud because they are not really that grand, but I'm excited that I'm doing them nonetheless.
1. I'm finishing up a 21 day Daniel fast. I know, I know, spiritual faux pa by "telling" people you are fasting but since it's over soon I feel better about it. It's been TOUGH. I want bread, not eating bread. I want sweets, not eating sweets. I want meat, not eating meat. I want ANYTHING besides vegetables, fruit, whole grain cracker/tortillas, nuts and seeds. But my body is grateful because I have lost about 10 pounds. I wasn't really trying to lose weight with this but hey, BONUS! And my spiritual heart is thanking me as well for this fast because I'm finally edging out of my wilderness journey of depression and doubt and self-pity so that's good too. I've been in that wildeness for a WHILE now but I fully know that the God of all heaven and earth is personally teaching and molding me through this process and I'm forever grateful. (more on these life lessons in another post)
2. I'm growing out my hair. It's not that glamorous because I feel a little downright dowdy with this hair (and it's starting to get in the way when I sit in chairs) but it's the longest it's ever been in my life. So, I decided that since it was so long and since my favorite grandmother on earth learned last fall she has breast cancer, in honor of her I'm growing it out, eventually at the right length chopping it all off and donating it to locks of love. I've always wanted to do this, and I'm so excited to be trying to grow it out to make a beautiful wig for some wonderful lady who needs to feel beautiful. Nathan loves it. I don't know why but he's always loved long hair, I'm sure that's a guy thing because every woman knows how much work long hair takes in the morning to prepare. Early in our marriage he even forbid me to cut it shorter than a certain length. Well maybe not forbid- I mean we don't live in the 1800s or anything. Persuaded me to not cut it short is more like it. I do in fact have his approval to cut it short in the end however. I mean, it's for cancer patients!
Trufully, I'm very excited about my physical changes, and even more excited to see the results of my inward changes too. I hope one day (probably years from now though) to be able to document my hair cutting account on this blog.
Stay True
Alicia
1. I'm finishing up a 21 day Daniel fast. I know, I know, spiritual faux pa by "telling" people you are fasting but since it's over soon I feel better about it. It's been TOUGH. I want bread, not eating bread. I want sweets, not eating sweets. I want meat, not eating meat. I want ANYTHING besides vegetables, fruit, whole grain cracker/tortillas, nuts and seeds. But my body is grateful because I have lost about 10 pounds. I wasn't really trying to lose weight with this but hey, BONUS! And my spiritual heart is thanking me as well for this fast because I'm finally edging out of my wilderness journey of depression and doubt and self-pity so that's good too. I've been in that wildeness for a WHILE now but I fully know that the God of all heaven and earth is personally teaching and molding me through this process and I'm forever grateful. (more on these life lessons in another post)
2. I'm growing out my hair. It's not that glamorous because I feel a little downright dowdy with this hair (and it's starting to get in the way when I sit in chairs) but it's the longest it's ever been in my life. So, I decided that since it was so long and since my favorite grandmother on earth learned last fall she has breast cancer, in honor of her I'm growing it out, eventually at the right length chopping it all off and donating it to locks of love. I've always wanted to do this, and I'm so excited to be trying to grow it out to make a beautiful wig for some wonderful lady who needs to feel beautiful. Nathan loves it. I don't know why but he's always loved long hair, I'm sure that's a guy thing because every woman knows how much work long hair takes in the morning to prepare. Early in our marriage he even forbid me to cut it shorter than a certain length. Well maybe not forbid- I mean we don't live in the 1800s or anything. Persuaded me to not cut it short is more like it. I do in fact have his approval to cut it short in the end however. I mean, it's for cancer patients!
Trufully, I'm very excited about my physical changes, and even more excited to see the results of my inward changes too. I hope one day (probably years from now though) to be able to document my hair cutting account on this blog.
Stay True
Alicia
Friday, January 27, 2012
My Gratuitous Attitude (or lack thereof)
Well the experiment is almost over. Yesterday I committed to going for 24 hours without complaining and if I did complain or was tempted to complain I had to write down what I complained about and how I was tempted. I started at 2pm yesterday and I'm finishing up my last few minutes blogging about it. I hope I don't complain while I'm writing up this post.
So no major shockers here about the level of my thankfulness. Obviously, like all the other red-blooded Americans out there I am extremely entitled, spoiled, and ungrateful. Go me! Yes, I have to say I am thankful though for this exercise because it really taught me a few things:
1. Having children is both a reason to be thankful and a reason why I failed this challenge and was tempted all day long to complain.
2. The evening hours when I had another human being with which I could have an actual conversation with(My husband Nathan), was when I was complaining the most. Question is:Was his presence a cause or an effect of my complaining...hmmm....
3. I complain the MOST about being tired. I think I need to schedule a nap time in my day somewhere.
4. When I complain over and over again, I realize that documenting said complaints actually lowers the amount of overall complaining that comes out of my mouth.
Overall I'd say the experiment was good for me. I know what my triggers for complaining are now, and I know I need to get to bed earlier. However, documenting my complaints is only the first step. The real change happened when I started replacing my complaints with a few positive phrases that I could actually get myself to believe to be more truth than the original complaint.
Example: I'm Tired!
Instead I said: I'm so glad I have a bed to sleep on tonight.
Easy huh? Truth is I pretty much can ALWAYS find something to complain about, even though I have so many blessings coming out of my ear I should be spending my whole day being thankful.
The truth is, complaining for me is a cycle, and once I start I can't seem to stop, but the opposite is also true of saying positive statements- the more I do it, the easier it is to look on the brighter side and see the glass half full. (Unless some little munchkin spilled it and now it really is empty)
Stay True,
Alicia
So no major shockers here about the level of my thankfulness. Obviously, like all the other red-blooded Americans out there I am extremely entitled, spoiled, and ungrateful. Go me! Yes, I have to say I am thankful though for this exercise because it really taught me a few things:
1. Having children is both a reason to be thankful and a reason why I failed this challenge and was tempted all day long to complain.
2. The evening hours when I had another human being with which I could have an actual conversation with(My husband Nathan), was when I was complaining the most. Question is:Was his presence a cause or an effect of my complaining...hmmm....
3. I complain the MOST about being tired. I think I need to schedule a nap time in my day somewhere.
4. When I complain over and over again, I realize that documenting said complaints actually lowers the amount of overall complaining that comes out of my mouth.
Overall I'd say the experiment was good for me. I know what my triggers for complaining are now, and I know I need to get to bed earlier. However, documenting my complaints is only the first step. The real change happened when I started replacing my complaints with a few positive phrases that I could actually get myself to believe to be more truth than the original complaint.
Example: I'm Tired!
Instead I said: I'm so glad I have a bed to sleep on tonight.
Easy huh? Truth is I pretty much can ALWAYS find something to complain about, even though I have so many blessings coming out of my ear I should be spending my whole day being thankful.
The truth is, complaining for me is a cycle, and once I start I can't seem to stop, but the opposite is also true of saying positive statements- the more I do it, the easier it is to look on the brighter side and see the glass half full. (Unless some little munchkin spilled it and now it really is empty)
Stay True,
Alicia
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